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 Breaking Away:
Don't let past failures trip up your future.
By:
Vince D'Acchioli
The memory is clear: It was the fifth inning. Two men on and two out.
I swept the batter's box with my cleats and squeezed the bat. Stepping in, I adjusted my helmet and took
a couple of practice swings.
I was ready.
A hit will score two runs and tie up the game, I told myself. The pitcher went into a stretch, then
delivered. I fouled off his pitch, and then I worked the count to 2-2. He then reared back and hung a
curve right in my wheelhouse. I took a big swing and whiffed!
Rats! In a clutch situation, I had let my team down. On my way back to the dugout, I dropkicked my
helmet and flung the bat.
My head was hanging as I looked for my mitt, but as I passed several teammates, a chorus of
encouragement greeted me. "You'll get him next time," said the center fielder, slapping me on my
backside. "Don't worry about it."
"There's plenty of time," piped another. "We'll get this guy."
But one phrase, a standard baseball clich, stood out in my mind that day. "Hey, Vince," said the star
shortstop, "Shake it off."
Shake it off. What my buddy was saying was that for the good of the team, I had to put my
inning-ending strikeout behind me. They knew I would get another chance to bat with runners on the
corners and the game on the line. My teammates didn't want me dwelling on my strikeout; instead, they
wanted me in the right frame of min, the get-a-hit kind.
These days, however, I know too many men who have not been able to "shake off" the strikeouts of
their lives. These men have not been able to let go of the past, and as a result, they are often bound to it.
In my "Men on Target" seminars, I deal with what I call the four negative influences of our past: fear,
anger, unforgiveness and guilt. Let's take a closer look at these adversaries.
Fear. Fear occurs when you don't feel in control of a situation. For many, fear is rooted in insecurity.
You could be fearful because you were abused as a child, and wonder if you have what it takes to be a
good dad. Maybe you've been taken advantage of in business dealings, and you lack the confidence to
find the right job. Or, after a girlfriend or spouse walked out of your life, you wonder if you're capable
of ever loving again.
Anger. Fear generally leads to anger, and angry folks are not fun to be around. We all know about the
proverbial chip on the shoulder, but sometimes we have an incentive to get angry. Why? Because anger
is socially acceptable, but fear is not. It's considered OK_even manly_to throw a tantrum or a batting
helmet.
Usually, one of three things happens when we get angry: We internalize it, which hurts us; or we vent,
which hurts others; or we manage it, which is what Jesus did. Proverbs 29:11 says "A fool gives full vent
to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."
Unforgiveness. I, too, was wrapped up in unforgiveness_plus anger. For 25 years, I worked for a large
nationwide retail company. I shot up the corporate ladder, but there was one guy who was always one
promotion ahead of me. I couldn't stand him. I didn't like the way he managed employees, I didn't like
his vision for the company's future and I didn't like his personality. Robert rubbed me the wrong way.
Then I had a Nathan experience. Remember how Nathan in 2 Samuel 12 describes to David how the
rich man stole the poor man's only sheep and slaughtered it to feed a passing traveler?
"David burned with anger against the man...." who in reality was a fictitious person used by Nathan to
illustrate what David himself was doing. A friend and co-worker pointed out to me that the very things
that bothered me about Robert were the same things I was doing.
I did something I should have done much earlier, pray about it. I then realized I had been just like
Robert. Like David, I knew I had to repent and ask for Robert's forgiveness.
It wasn't easy to do, but one day I asked Robert to go out to lunch with me. After the salad plates were
taken away, I said, "Robert, I have something to tell you. I've been telling stories about you. I've
complained about you to co-workers. In fact, I've been a hypocrite. Because of all these things I've done
against you, I need to ask for your forgiveness."
Robert stared at me. He had no clue why I would be apologizing to him.
I was the person that author Gordon MacDonald was talking about when he said, "Harboring
resentments hinders spiritual growth and effectiveness."
Guilt. Finally, there are men who are unable to overcome guilt or condemnation. Many of us have
powerful forces keeping us in the past (combat in 'Nam, getting a girl pregnant, frequenting topless bars,
or drugs and alcoholism). If those things are always front and center in your mind, never far away from
your thoughts, you will never see God's ultimate plan for your life. That's why you need to take Paul's
advice in Philippians (emphasis added): "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining
toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me
heavenward..." (3:13-14).
We have to die to the past--let it go and give it to God. Here are four steps you can take:
What's it like to be saddled with the past? Let's say everywhere you go, you have a 15-pound dumbbell
strapped to your side. That extra weight carries physical restraints: You can't walk as far, you can't jump
as high, and you can't move as quickly as you'd like.
In the same way, many of us are hindered spiritually by the weight of past negative experiences. It's not
as visible, and some have learned how to hide this baggage rather well. But we need to let go of that
emotional weight just as if we dropped a real dumbbell on a wood floor_BLAM! Forever gone!
God's call on men today is too important, and the stakes are too high. No matter who you are, where
you've been or what you've done, He loves you and wants to forgive and restore you and use you to
win a dying world. NM
About the Author: Vince D'Acchioli is founder and president of Path Levelers, Inc., a men's ministry based in
Colorado Springs. He was assisted in this article by Mike Yorkey, editor of Focus on the Family magazine.
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